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My cat is dying. This is to be expected, she’s 13 years old and and has spent a good amount of her life in the out-of-doors. And she’s had an awesome life. Full of cuddling, watching me working on projects, killing of small animals, and finally! getting to use all that fur for rolling around in snow.

I’m glad she made it to the new home before she left me. She seemed quite content for several days here. But now, she’s done. She’s stopped eating and mostly just lays there. Not so dissimilar from my gramma in her last few weeks. Her body is just plain tired.

I am faced with the decision of whether to put her down or let her die naturally. There are many arguments for both sides. I am conflicted. But, two nights ago we said our goodbyes. She tottered on into the back room wanting to go out. We sat together on the back stoop for sometime. Her tail twitching and moving like it hadn’t in days. I laid down next to her and she rolled over so that she could curve into my belly. After a while she jumped down to sit on a bit of carpet remnant and to stare out into the night. At some point I needed to go in and I debated carrying her in with me. But I couldn’t. Who am I to deny her her pleasure? And if she chooses to “walk out into the desert to die” who am I to stop her? I want to be allowed to do that. So I went back in and puttered a bit more. For most of the evening she remained on the carpet. But my last check she was gone. I wondered if I’d see her again but there she came walking back in the next morning as has been her habit for years of nocturnal prowling.

Last night she sneaked out the door when I wasn’t looking. And again, I hoped this morning to see her but had no idea if I would. Then my ear thought it caught the sound of her drinking water in the hallway and, indeed, she had returned.

But I know that it is likely that one morning she won’t. I will know she has passed and will be left to wonder and hope that it was fairly painless and under a tree where she felt safe.

Love to you Ms. Ramona Mabel Jones, my blues singing, night prowling, tree scaling, ragdoll cuddling kitty. You are the greatest!

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